Sex is not a bad thing. Research has shown that having a healthy sex life comes with numerous benefits, including preserving heart health in some people, reducing blood pressure, and boosting immunity. Sex can also improve mood, relationships, and mental well-being.
However, it is possible to develop an addiction to sexual behaviors that ends up creating damaging consequences in the life of the addicted male and his loved ones. Just like many other forms of addiction, there are a number of common signs and symptoms that may become visible to yourself or people close to you, including some that are not as well understood.
Here we’ll explore some of the primary sex addiction traits and causes so you can help your loved one get the help they need for long-term recovery.
What is Sex Addiction?
Sex addiction refers to engaging in various sexual behaviors that reach a point where they become excessive, with such behaviors including things like compulsive masturbation, excessive viewing of pornography, voyeurism, and others. These sexual behaviors interfere with everyday life and responsibilities, no matter how much damage they cause or how frequent the attempts to stop them are.
Difference Between High Sex Drive and Sex Addiction
Like several other forms of addiction, sex addiction is difficult to diagnose because, in large part, it involves certain behaviors that are completely acceptable. Viewing pornography and masturbation are neither illegal nor widely frowned upon when done in moderation.
Men also have higher sex drives than women due to biological differences. This can make men think about sex and engage in sexual activity more often. However, when sex becomes an excessive compulsion or a tool to cope with life’s stressors, it can quickly turn into a sex addiction that warps the individual’s sense of normalcy in this area. Sexual behaviors can also be a problem when a spouse is unaware or is not okay with them. Engaging in sexual behaviors compulsively without the knowledge of a spouse or partner can be very damaging and traumatic.
10 Sex Addiction Signs and Symptoms
If you’re concerned that you or a loved one is addicted to sex, here are ten common signs and symptoms to consider.
- Excessive time on sexual activities
- Neglecting responsibilities and having trouble managing daily life
- Unhealthy, frequent masturbation
- Thrill-seeking and risky behavior
- Not sticking to your word or agreed-upon commitments
- Feelings of guilt and shame about your actions
- Lying and secrecy
- Manipulating situations to engage in sexual activity
- Isolating yourself and becoming disconnected from others
- Withdrawal symptoms when attempting to stop engaging in sexual behaviors
1. Excessive Time On Sexual Activities
In many cases, one of the first things people may notice as evidence of addiction is the sheer amount of time it’s taking up in day-to-day life. Men with sex addiction may spend more and more time viewing pornography or adult chat rooms, searching for sexual partners, arranging meetings,, or even just thinking about sexual things.
For instance, if someone with a partner begins spending more and more time on dating apps, or begins engaging in activities like cybersex that their partner doesn’t know about, then these are possible indicators of an addiction.
2. Neglecting Responsibilities and Having Trouble Managing Daily Life
Another common sign of sex addiction is neglecting responsibilities in favor of engaging in compulsive sexual behaviors. This could mean skipping work or school, ignoring household chores, or not maintaining personal hygiene to engage in sexual activities.
This neglect of responsibilities can have serious consequences on a person’s life, relationships, and overall well-being. Men may lose their jobs, resulting in financial challenges, or lose their spouses’ trust, creating partnership issues.
3. Unhealthy, Frequent Masturbation
A lot of people think sex is exclusively defined as something done with another person, but solo sex counts toward addiction, too. The same standards for sex with another person apply here. If you masturbate to a degree that it negatively affects your life, or if you’re doing it to the point of physical discomfort, you likely have a sex addiction. Watching excessive amounts of pornography as a means of masturbation can also be related to sex addiction.
4. Thrill-Seeking and Risky Behavior
For some people who deal with sex addiction, a key marker of this condition is their need to engage in thrill-seeking behavior, often attached to sex or sexual acts. Males with sex addiction will frequently go beyond pursuing conventional sex and begin to pursue risky behaviors like sex with prostitutes, sex in combination with drugs, unprotected sex, or exhibitionistic/voyeuristic sex.
Many of these behaviors verge on illegality and can negatively impact their life and health, including sexually transmitted illnesses (STIs). In many such cases, the relatively high likelihood of being caught doesn’t deter; instead, it serves as an incentive. The chemical rush associated with breaking the rules is powerful in some brains, and this becomes its own form of addiction.
5. Not Sticking to Your Word or Agreed-Upon Commitments
Sexual addiction undermines a person’s integrity. So one of the signs of a sex addiction is an inability to make and keep commitments. Sex addicted men are used to making commitments to themselves and breaking them. This usually happens when they tell themselves that they will stop acting out in their addiction, or if their significant other makes requests to reduce solo sexual activity.
When they inevitably fail (over and over again), they lose respect for commitments. Because they can’t keep their word to themselves, they find it hard to keep their word to others as well.
6. Feelings of Guilt and Shame About Your Actions
One of the core signs of sex addiction is that men feel great shame about their sexual compulsions, or their lack of control over them. They may also feel guilty, especially if they begin cheating on their partner or lying about consistently engaging in solo sexual activities. Some men feel like they have to maintain two different lives in order to keep their addiction alive while still being the good husband or father they want to be.
If you start to feel shame about your behaviors, or if they go against your personal values or beliefs, it may be time to seek help to regain control over your thoughts and actions.
7. Lying and Secrecy
Men with sex addiction may lie about their activities, make excuses for their behavior, or hide evidence of their addictive behaviors from loved ones, as sex addiction requires a high level of security to maintain.
Of course, this can’t go on forever because eventually the lies begin to collapse under their own weight. Loved ones will eventually discover the truth, or at least pieces of the truth. That’s when sex addicted men may start gaslighting, which can be incredibly damaging and psychologically harmful for their loved ones.
Gaslighting is a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator is trying to get someone else (or a group of people) to question their own reality, memory, or perceptions.
When the addicted partner is caught in a lie, instead of owning up to it and admitting to the addiction, he will gaslight his loved one to get them to question their reality. Spouses of addicts often feel like they are going crazy because their significant other can be so convincing.
8. Manipulating Situations to Engage in Sexual Activity
Males with sex addiction want to act out more often than life allows them to. There’s always work, home, or religious obligations getting in the way of what they really want to be doing. Men may try to create situations where they are free to act out in their addiction with less risk of getting caught.
Suppose you find yourself waiting until everybody else at work is gone so that you can watch porn on your computer before going home. In that case, you’re manipulating the situation for your addiction. If your wife is going to the store and you suggest that she take the kids so you can be home alone to act out, you’re manipulating the situation.
Maybe your wife has a vacation planned for the family to visit her parents, and you manufacture an excuse that you have to be at work, so she’ll take the kids and leave you at home. Once again, you’re manipulating a situation.
There are so many little tricks that men with sex addiction learn to use to clear the way for their addiction. If you’re doing this, or you notice your loved one is doing this frequently, it’s definitely one of the signs of a sex addiction.
9. Isolating Yourself and Becoming Disconnected From Others
This one might be difficult to spot, especially for men who have struggled with addiction for many years. Still, sexual addiction creates an inability to connect with yourself and to others. People who are stuck in sex addiction often sink further into depression due to feelings of guilt or failure to perform during sexual activity.
Men can also lose interest in social activities unrelated to sex, such as previously enjoyed hobbies, exercising at the gym with friends, or attending events with the family.
Some men may isolate themselves because of increased anxiety. They may feel on edge or have a racing heart because they aren’t able to engage in compulsive sexual behavior as much as they’d like.
10. Withdrawal Symptoms When Attempting to Stop Engaging In Sexual Behaviors
Men with sex addiction will try to stop engaging in sexual acts on their own, but come up short due to the brain-related changes that occur the longer the addiction continues. Just like individuals addicted to substances, men may experience withdrawal-like symptoms when they don’t receive the levels of dopamine they were getting through compulsive sexual behaviors. Some of the withdrawal symptoms they experience include:
- Irritability and angry outbursts
- Increased depression and anxiety
- Cravings and urges for sex
- Insomnia
- Fatigue
- Physical discomfort, like headaches and stiff muscles
Sex Addiction Causes and Risk Factors
Sex addiction usually doesn’t occur on its own; it’s caused by a combination of physical, behavioral, and psychological factors. Understanding the causes behind sexual compulsions can provide a better understanding of the symptoms of the condition.
- Brain imbalances: While often overlooked, imbalances in brain chemicals like serotonin and dopamine can lead men to engage in risky behaviors to experience positive feelings they don’t get from healthier options, such as socialization, exercise, or sexual activity with a loved one.
- Mental health conditions: Men with mental health conditions like impulse control disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are most at risk of developing a sex addiction.
- Substance abuse: Men who utilize substances and abuse alcohol have lower inhibitions, resulting in frequent sexual activity and an increased likelihood of engaging in illicit sexual activities and fantasies.
- Trauma: Sex addiction can be linked to childhood trauma, including observing unhealthy relationships in the home, sexual assault, and events involving any form of violence. Men may turn to compulsive sexual behaviors to cope with feelings of anxiety and shame related to these situations.
- Internet and technology addiction: Men who are addicted to the internet and technology as a means to watch porn or play sexually graphic video games may seek to act on fantasies they have observed online. If they are unable to fulfill these fantasies with their significant other, they may cheat or pursue other means, damaging their relationship.
Getting Help for Sex Addiction
If you don’t feel in control of your sexual behavior, or if your sexual behavior is negatively impacting your life, sex addiction help is needed. There are many forms of sex addiction treatment, including inpatient sex rehab, outpatient therapy, medication, and support groups like Sexaholics Anonymous.
Sex addiction treatment isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. It requires an individualized treatment plan, and the level of support needed is tied to the severity of the addiction and the success of previous attempts to stop compulsive sexual behaviors.
However, the best solution for long-term recovery is a full-time residential program where men can remove themselves from their environment to focus on recovery with the help of certified sex addiction therapists and other addiction specialists.
At Desert Solace, we understand that recognizing and understanding sex addiction is a complex process. That’s why our programs focus on providing the care and support needed to help those struggling with addiction get back on the path to a healthy, fulfilling life. We offer residential treatment at our St. George treatment center and in-person and virtual outpatient treatment for men across the country.
Another integral feature of our programs is family support, ensuring the entire family unit can heal throughout treatment and beyond. With a certified sex addiction therapist on staff, your loved one will receive expert guidance, tools, and evidence-based approaches to manage their sex addiction and reduce the risk of relapse.
Contact us by filling out our online form or calling us at 435-817-1351 to learn more about our sex addiction treatment today.