/ By Recovery Expert

When couples get married, they face many challenges in their lives together as a couple. Some you may expect, such as arguments about in-laws, raising children and how to spend money, but others may come as a surprise, and not a very pleasant one at that. If you think your husband might be a sex addict, read on for help and advice from the counselors here at Desert Solace.


Sex Stereotypes


From a young age, many Americans are socialized to believe that men want more sex than women. Whether or not this is true in your marriage, it establishes an unhelpful stereotype that can cause all sorts of problems.


The truth is, it is rare for any couple to be 100% in sync, wanting exactly the same amount of sex at the same time. But with love, patience, understanding and compassion, these differences can often be overcome. Issues arise when the problem exceeds the couple’s ability to cope.


How Much Sex Is Too Much?


As a wife, if your husband wants sex more frequently than you do, you may feel annoyed, tired, irritated and even angry, depending on the tone of his requests or demands. At the same time, you may feel guilty for not giving in to them. After all, you were taught that men want sex more than women and you are his wife, right?

Regardless of relationship or marital status, a woman (or a man) always has the right to refuse sex if they do not wish to participate at that time. Practically speaking, if this happens frequently, the partner who wants more sex may feel hurt, rejected or angry. Many couples turn to marriage counseling to resolve these differences. But when does the issue rise to the level of sex addiction?


Early in a relationship, it is not unusual for couples to engage in sex every day, sometimes multiple times per day. But as the newness of the marriage wears off, frequency usually tapers off. While there is no “right” number of times to have sex per week, there are some outlying behaviors that can cause trouble in a relationship.


1. Sex interferes with work, childcare or other important duties.


While some couples enjoy morning sex, if your husband repeatedly pressures you for morning sex when you need to get ready for work or get the kids ready for school, he might be a sex addict. Especially if you regularly have sex before you go to sleep at night and/or during the night, having intense urges upon waking in the morning could be a sign of sex addiction.


2. Sex is causing pain.


Many women can become sore from sexual intercourse, and with extreme frequently, it can cause abrasions, discomfort or even pain. A husband’s indifference to his wife’s pain during intercourse can signal a sex addiction, especially if he is otherwise a caring husband.


3. Your husband is getting sex outside the marriage.


When a wife tires of her husband’s constant demands for sex, she may start refusing them. A husband who is in denial about his sex addiction will not seek help for it, and may instead look for sex outside the marriage, whether in other relationships or with prostitutes.


What Wives Can Do if They Think Their Husband Is a Sex Addict


As the wife of a potential sex addict, there are actions you can take to improve your situation and your marriage. As with any addiction, the first step is to get the addict to admit their problem and seek help. This is not something you can force; it is only something you can attempt explore.


Confronting a sex addict about their behavior is best done in a therapist’s office; however, if you are not in counseling or your husband refuses to go, you may have to address the problem on your own. If this ends up being the case, you should arm yourself with the best, most up-to-date information possible. It is not your intent to shame your husband or cause further distress, but to help him see that there is hope for recovery.


Sex Addiction Therapy


At Desert Solace, we provide sex addiction therapy to men in all stages of addiction. Our inpatient treatment model allows us to remove the sex addict from their surroundings so that they can fully immerse themselves in the sex addiction recovery process.


Attending sex addicts anonymous meetings are an important part of the healing process. Meetings help banish shame by demonstrating how the sex addict is not alone — there are many other men just like him with the same problem.


Sex Addict Support Groups


At sex addiction meetings, sex addicts share stories of how they have lost control of their lives due to sex addiction — how they are facing the possibility of losing their family, job and more. Our counselors and therapists facilitate the groups, ensuring that everyone gets a turn to speak about their own personal struggles.

Once men complete our sex addiction rehab program, we urge them to continue therapy by attending regular sex addict support groups in their area, whether in person or by Zoom. Like any other addiction, regular support is an integral part of staying “clean.” Especially today, considering the ease with which men can access pornography or sex websites, it’s important to stay focused on the goal — having healthy sexual relations with your life partner.

To learn more about how sex addiction therapy can help if your husband is a sex addict, contact Desert Solace today.