Sex and porn addiction situations can be especially difficult for couples or significant others to deal with, and one of the single toughest parts of this in many cases is the actual disclosure of the issue – when one member of a couple informs the other that they are dealing with this addiction in some form. How this is done can have a big impact on how the couple is able to manage the situation moving forward, and there are some important things to think about if you’re preparing to disclose this to your partner.
At Desert Solace, we proudly offer caring, compassionate sex and porn addiction treatment to clients around Arizona, Nevada and Idaho, and in several formats – including couples therapy, marriage counseling and many programs meant specifically for relationships. Let’s take a look at some of the “discovered” ways a sex or porn addiction disclosure can sometimes happen and why these are generally negative in nature, plus look at healthier ways of disclosing a sex or porn addiction to your significant other.
Discovered Forms of Disclosure
Unfortunately, far too many situations of sex or porn addiction are discovered by partners in one of a few ways rather than being actually disclosed to them by their significant other. Some examples include:
- Catching in the act: The most up-front of these situations is when a partner catches their loved one in the act and there’s no opportunity to explain things from your point of view. This can be devastating for all involved and make it much tougher to move forward in any sort of healthy way.
- Unexpected fees: Unusual purchases on credit cards, strange bills or other financial obligations are sometimes the first sign that something is amiss. A partner may notice a large purchase of adult subscription services or other suspicious financial transactions that they need to confront their significant other about.
- Internet history: Some partners may discover the porn or sex addiction by going through internet browsing histories and seeing unusual surfing habits that lead back to sexual content or activities.
- Investigative discovery: In many cases, partners notice the early signs of a sex or porn addiction and begin investigating the situation. They may confront their partner before they get a chance to explain what has been going on – and this can lead to an aggressive or defensive posture that is hard to shed.
In each of these cases, the discovery is often sudden, unexpected and can cause a great deal of pain for both parties. Rather than risk one of these potentially devastating scenarios, it’s far better to disclose the situation with your partner in a calm, rational way before they have to discover it in these less-than-ideal manners.
Healthy Ways To Disclose
Rather than waiting for your partner to discover the addictive behaviors, it’s important to take positive steps to disclose in a healthy way that also allows for productive discussion. Here are some tips for doing just that:
- Pick A Time/Place: One of the most important parts of this process is choosing an appropriate time and place to talk about this. Avoid discussing these issues in public, and pick an appropriate location where both you and your partner feel comfortable discussing matters of this nature.
- Take Responsibility: It’s important that the person with the addiction takes responsibility for their actions and acknowledges what has been going on. This can be a difficult step but it is essential to any sort of resolution or healing process.
- Ask For Help: It’s also important to talk about the idea of seeking outside help, such as couples therapy or marriage counseling. This can be a good way to start off the conversation by presenting real solutions that both parties can agree on in order to move forward.
- Listen Intently: Lastly, take time to listen intently and without judgment when your partner is speaking. Allow them the time to process their own emotions and work through things without interruption or any sort of critical comments that can make this situation even more difficult to deal with.
Professionals Can Help
Now, as many of our readers who have dealt with sex or porn addiction can attest, simply taking one of the above approaches to healthy disclosure often isn’t as easy as it sounds. There can be major mental blocks that prevent us from having these conversations in the first place, and sometimes it’s best to enlist the help of an outside professional.
Many couples counselors and marriage therapists have seen these situations before and can help guide you through the disclosure process in a safe and secure way. Seeing someone who understands this issue on a deeper level can be extremely helpful for couples and can help take the fear out of the situation.
Disclosure of a sex or porn addiction is a difficult step to take for both partners in any relationship. But by facing this issue head on in a safe, secure environment it can open up opportunities for healing and real progress that might not have been available without it. With the right approach, couples can work together to find a resolution and move forward.
For more here, or to learn about any of our caring sex or porn addiction recovery programs in Nevada, Idaho or Arizona, speak to our staff at Desert Solace today.
